Destination: Provo

I was thinking today. "I'm moving to Provo." And while I'm really very excited for this it also started something short of a panic attack.

I'm moving to Provo, land of the barbies, and BYU-ites, and everything that I have learned to hate in Utah. It's a beauty contest, a hole of anti-depressants, and plastic surgery. I know I can deal with that, I always have but I'm  also moving in with the most competitive  roommate ever. She's competitive in a stressful way, while helping you want to be a better person, it's impossible to keep up with her, causing a constant headache and sense of unease when around her.  Still, I can deal with this too. She's a great friend and I'm used to her.

The thing that was really bothering me was the feeling of "going back" to Utah. I feel like I'm going to my high school reunion, all I'm missing is the time in between where you have the chance to stop caring what your high school crowd thinks. That and how the hell did I get here?

This was supposed to be the summer after my third year of college. I was supposed to go up to USU have a blast at college life, exceed in all of my classes, and be on track to have a major in Journalism and a minor in Anthropology. College didn't happen the way I planned it though. Instead of owning the school I was swept into the crowd of girls with self esteem issues, and depression. After a few wrong choices I was overwhelmed sleeping through classes and driving hours to visit my pot smoking loser boyfriend. Not my finest hours.

Despite all the goodbyes I should of given, and the feelings I hurt, falling of the grid and escaping to VA was the only smart thing I did during that time. It's taken me the whole time to figure out that I really did need this time to think and evaluate myself and my future. I have a plan, its realistic, and I feel like I've made it out of a big mess. At least I'm on the right path to clean it all up.

So panic attack avoided, and long story short, I'm excited to be moving to Provoland, and to be getting a degree and my Paralegal Certificate. I really am.