Prescription for "teen angst," please?

I feel nauseous. In the pit of my stomach there is acid, and fire. Not only dizzy but my world is spinning.. and tossing and turning, the worst kind of motion sickness. My chest, right where my heart must be is the strangest pain, it hurts, not in a sharp way but in a constant.. almost ice like throbbing. Also it hurts my head to think about anything at all.

In other words I feel awful. And I'd really like to know what a doctor would say if I checked myself in.

But I know where I contracted this disease.

When you fall in love, the kind that has to end and you know it because it has ended, it's like getting in an accident with a lot of glass. At first you can see the damage. All of the glass is sticking out of your face and your skin, it's in your hair, lodged in your arm, etc. Then you remove what you can see because that's just not healthy. Now you have all these open bleeding wounds. Still very obvious, very big, a great huge deal, and not something you're gonna run around sharing with people because it's gross and it will freak them out. Once it starts closing up though, you're very proud of it, you have great scars, you want everyone to see. People start to get sick of being told the story behind the scars, and they don't want to be shown any more scars you've just noticed, or whatever. Then to your great dismay the scars begin to fade, for whatever reason... completely healing, closing up, new skin, it's over. You stop telling stories, you move on and you think the "accident" is far behind you. BUT then months later/years later you look in the mirror and you're completely in shock. A piece of glass is working it's why out of your skin! You can't even just pull it out because it hurts too much and everything around it is healed... That's exactly like waking up and realizing that you still love some one a bit, somewhere inside of you, and there is nothing you can do about it until all the little pieces have worked themselves out.

So this disease is a side affect of a huge accident, involving glass, and the shards I'm currently dealing with slowly escaping my heart.

I still wonder what the doctor would prescribe though.

Um tolo ama o tolo que partiu seu coração.

Destination: Provo

I was thinking today. "I'm moving to Provo." And while I'm really very excited for this it also started something short of a panic attack.

I'm moving to Provo, land of the barbies, and BYU-ites, and everything that I have learned to hate in Utah. It's a beauty contest, a hole of anti-depressants, and plastic surgery. I know I can deal with that, I always have but I'm  also moving in with the most competitive  roommate ever. She's competitive in a stressful way, while helping you want to be a better person, it's impossible to keep up with her, causing a constant headache and sense of unease when around her.  Still, I can deal with this too. She's a great friend and I'm used to her.

The thing that was really bothering me was the feeling of "going back" to Utah. I feel like I'm going to my high school reunion, all I'm missing is the time in between where you have the chance to stop caring what your high school crowd thinks. That and how the hell did I get here?

This was supposed to be the summer after my third year of college. I was supposed to go up to USU have a blast at college life, exceed in all of my classes, and be on track to have a major in Journalism and a minor in Anthropology. College didn't happen the way I planned it though. Instead of owning the school I was swept into the crowd of girls with self esteem issues, and depression. After a few wrong choices I was overwhelmed sleeping through classes and driving hours to visit my pot smoking loser boyfriend. Not my finest hours.

Despite all the goodbyes I should of given, and the feelings I hurt, falling of the grid and escaping to VA was the only smart thing I did during that time. It's taken me the whole time to figure out that I really did need this time to think and evaluate myself and my future. I have a plan, its realistic, and I feel like I've made it out of a big mess. At least I'm on the right path to clean it all up.

So panic attack avoided, and long story short, I'm excited to be moving to Provoland, and to be getting a degree and my Paralegal Certificate. I really am.